It’s not you. It’s me. Let me explain. I’ve been painting Sarina’s portrait since January of this year. I’ve sat with it for a very long time, coming, going, looking, contemplating, and asking what I am seeing? When my friend, Jen asked whether my trip to Peru this year has changed me, my reply was that I don’t feel transformed. I feel the same but deeper. I am the same but hopefully a little wiser. But deeper and wiser, how? I don’t know. Travel widens my frame of reference and teaches me different perspectives. And the more perspective I experience, the more I question what is the truth?
Oscar Wilde said that “Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.” And so I’ve been looking back at all of the portraits I’ve painted over the years for self-reflection. Sarina’s portrait never felt finished until I spent 6 hours trying to deconstruct it as another portrait and failed miserably. I came back to this one and added a few brush strokes and suddenly it is done. I told Jen a while back that if I were a shape, I’d be a spiral. No matter how far we travel, it’s nice to come back to where we once were. And feel it deeper.
Special thanks to Sarina, for being beautiful and lending me her likeness. (original selfie included below)